Wednesday, February 24, 2010

No running today. Thinking.

Yesterday was a terrible day. I was late to work, and worse I was late to work at Reese's school and I walked into her class, oblivious of my offense, to see her dissolved in tears in her teacher's lap.

"She thought you forgot," Miss Di told me, looking for all the world like she thought so too.

It was only 11:05. Oh-five. Five minutes and I had undone all that had gone before that morning. That six years. Failure descended on me as I comforted my sweet girl. It only took three hugs and a promise of chocolate after dinner to delight her and before long we were working on handwriting with the other kindergartners, me cracking them up only to see Reese looking stern, letting me know in no uncertain terms that we were supposed to be concentrating.

I screw up so often at this. And I try so unbelievably hard. Which makes my sucking so much worse, I think. If I weren't trying, maybe the sting would be less.

That's why, when I read this excerpt today, from one of my very favorite writers, Kelly Corrigan, I was bowled over. And comforted, too. From "Lift":

"This tug-of-war often obscures what’s also happening between us. I am your mother, the first mile of your road. Me and all my obvious and hidden limitations. That means that in addition to possibly wrecking you, I have the chance to give to you what was given to me: a decent childhood, more good memories than bad, some values, a sense of a tribe, a run at happiness. You can’t imagine how seriously I take that—even as I fail you. Mothering you is the first thing of consequence that I have ever done."

Absolutely, positively could not have said it better myself. Thanks Kelly.

1 comment: